"I'm #PickingMe over Skin Picking because I’M EXHAUSTED of losing the time of my life picking at my skin and also I really want to feel pretty.
I think maybe when I was a teenager but it’s already so many years that it’s so hard for me to remember exactly when it started ... Dermatillomania is curiously the only thing organized and constant in my life, suffering from chronic depression and anxiety it really costs me a lot to follow schedules but for this? For this I’m never late: first thing I do when I get up: skin picking
Every time I need to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth / pee / wash my hands: skin picking
Before bed: skin picking
This is how minutes and sometimes hours go by in front of the mirror, my legs cramp from standing for so long in unimaginable positions to reach pimples on my back, behind my neck or ears and I can get to hurt myself so badly that tears of pain come out but I don't feel them, I only realize it because I see my reflection.
Inside of me there’s is a voice that tells me "enough, please don't hurt yourself" and other times it yells at me: “WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS", "YOU ARE CRAZY!" But I just can't stop
Although it is always the same scene: a mirror, my hands and me. Dermatillomania has come to take over my life outside of my bathroom too; Have you seen supermarkets with mirrors? Yep! That's where I stand. Store’s mirrors, in the fitting rooms, (those are the favorites of my disorder) In friends' houses, in rear-view mirrors of cars parked on the street? yep, there too.
And you know? Starting is simple, it’s almost like it calls me, but stopping and getting out again with a swollen red face and sometimes bleeding, asking yourself how come you went that far AGAIN, how you have gotten to that point, people staring at you and asking “what happened to your face”; then look for a thousand excuses such as “I’m having an allergic reaction” or “I suffer from acne” and knowing that the next time you go out will have to be under 5 kilos of makeup, maybe a cap and EVERYTHING necessary to cover what you did. Btw I never thought that I would be happy to wear a mask but yes, it’s my perfect partner in crime.
In my opinion, the worst thing about this disease is not only the places it occupies but the moments it has stolen from me, for example: Being about to go to my dance classes, making my ballet bun, leaving my face uncovered and beautiful and in the blink of an eye I'm already there again, result? There is no dance class today. So I have canceled plans of all kinds: go to work, go shopping, go out with my boo. And BOO? That’s is another story ...
Hiding it at first can be easy until the typical "I need to pee" in the middle of sex COME you spend hours in the bathroom while she / he thinks you have gone to the pot. Then when you FINALLY manage to get out (if you do) you feel so horrible to be able to be sexually desired again by someone; that's why Speedy Gonzales's technique: turn off the lights when entering the room as quickly as possible before he/she even turns the head, and if they asks? is that sex without lights is more "romantic".
But all that only works at the beginning, anyone close to you can realize that something is wrong and they might also be in pain. My family, for example, removed the light bulbs from the bathroom when I was a teenager, years later my girlfriend does the same today.
Sometimes she likes to call herself Jesus Christ because she saves me when I say "the magic word of rescue" lol and she runs to the bathroom to carry me and get me out of there and we both laugh but it is not always so cute. I have had discussions because I have tried to do the same in theirs skins, some of them left me and if not, I did it when they were asleep FUCK IT! , nothing matters more than HIM! It’s as if my disorder were a toxic husband and my partners only lovers: there is nothing more important than HIM, no matter how much he hurts me, even if I wants to, I can’t leave him and when he arrives all my time and body belong to HIM, the rest it can wait.
Well, this is my story, something like that is living with this disorder but a little worse."-@ori_leon, Oriana Carolina Leon Cedeño, 25, Barcelona