"I'm #PickingMe over Skin Picking because I deserve to treat myself better and stop causing destruction. I want to open up about something I've struggled with most of my life, with it being discovered in second grade. I do my best to keep it well hidden due to it being an embarrassment. I have compulsive hair pulling (Trichotillomania) and compulsive skin picking (dermatillomania/excoriation disorder). I'm mostly recovered from the hair pulling, but I still multiple times a day pick at my scalp and my face, that's where my skin picking is mostly focused. Its been highly embarrassing since elementary school. Mostly because I'm "doing it to myself". It gets worse with anxiety, boredom, and stress. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism, similar to self harm (that I've went through and recovered from).

At some points my face would look like I had cystic acne because of all the picking and digging. I see or feel imperfections that really aren't there/or are so minor that no-one else can see them. I then pick and dig and dig and dig until there's irreparable damage. Skincare for me for years was antibiotic ointment and washing my face without a mirror. Because doing actual skincare (like moisturizing) would trigger me to pick.

I've definitely made progress since 2nd grade when I had no eyelashes or eyebrows and missing hair. And since middle school and early high school when I picked my face for up to 2 hours a day. I think part of my healing is opening up and not being ashamed anymore. The picture here is of a very minor pick that I did about a week ago, because I don't have any pictures of me when it was severe, as I avoided photos during that time period.

Thank you to the @pickingmefdn for helping me come out of my shell about these two compulsive disorders that have ruled my life for ~13 years. I'm gonna continue with my recovery with my new therapist!"
-@livthatsnotcool, Liv, 20, Indiana

"I'm #PickingMe over Skin Picking because I know that one day this all will be just a memory, I will be living in comfort of wound free life. Just like I am living the comfort of no longer living with eating disorder. I have recovered from that beast, I can totally say this one is also possible to fight off. We all deserve the peace. Seek help. Do your homework. Cover those mirrors, do your journaling, work on acceptance, invite in the imperfect life, keep going. And never stop trying. This is diagnosis that is not for life. We did not pick it for ourselves, but we can pick a life free of it. After I've discovered there there is a name for what I've been secretly doing for years I even opened up about it to my partner and friends and family...my dermatillomania got worse but I didn't feel as "bad" for it because I was like yeah, this is illness I can't really do much about it. I tried different approach. Not that I'm completely free of it yet, but for the first time I really see it differently. what helped was reading a book on a different subject but I thought I'd share it with you. Brain over binge - helped a lot so there you go. because here and there I still act on my impulses- but now I know that I am not actually ill- my brain is okay, I "just have to stop it" as many where telling me before and I started "No, you don't get it, it's actually an illness called dermatillomania and I can't just stop it and bla bla"....well, maybe I could have saved myself a lot of distress and permanent scars. Don't get me wrong- the urges are still there- and that thing I did not choose- I've always been trying to do everything perfect look perfect and so on... I even drew a picture today of my boyfriend because I had an hour fight with myself because I wanted to squeeze his "imperfections."
My lovely boyfriend has been with me on my journey for over a year. I am very dedicated to recovering from this. I often hear him saying "but whyyyyyy, It's so stupid. Is this how you want to spend your time?! You would be so beautiful if you would just stop thus bullshit behaviour"...like all those sentences from my mind got arms and legs and mouth to speak. He is really fed up, he often says I am beautiful to him but he is too tired from all the talks. I know. I am tired. So many little victories and so many failures. Over and over again. It affects my work tremendously, my relationship could potentially end just because it is so exhausting and there I am, scarred and in pain.
I've put on makeup, which I am so bloody thankful for, I found compassion and love for me and hands down I am keen on fighting until I will find peace. over and over.
On a side note- I do believe I have diagnosis of anxiety and depression for life. I work on it. I do meditate. I do take my pills (which helped me with my very lowest lows and my "anxious core tremble" tremendously)
but I believe those have been the true starters of both my eating disorder diagnosis and dermatillomania
both deeply rooted in feelings of uncertainty and "hiding from them/relieving them" with behaviour patterns that do more harm than good after all.
I've read the book (that I mentioned to you in my first message)- Brain over binge- I read that before gifting it to my mother that couldn't wrap her head around my past eating disorder. It helped me see that this disorder has something very common with dermatillomania and that is: It may have started because I believed that it will help my skin, but then it turned into habitual behaviour by which it is classified as illness. if there is not a behaviour- there is no illness. And since I do not do any eating disordered "habits" I am finding myself no longer being a sufferer of one. One day my relapses with skin picking will be so spread out that they will not be occurring at all and I will no longer have to deal with skin picking, painful sores and spending hours covering the damage.
I am proud of who I am despite having this my current struggle. But keeping in mind that people have much worse struggle than this. In a way, we are blessed to be struggling "just with this horrible thing we do to ourselves" and not something that we do not have control over. This is literally in our hands and there is a way out. In the meantime- sending all the love to everyone in the boat.
Last two things I want to share- my beloved way of getting my makeup off when my skin is at it's worse: those miracle microfiber makeup removing halos/pads/gloves/towels- you'll put them under just warm water, close your eyes and remove everything super gently, slowly, no product. no exfoliating agents, no makeup wipes- way better for your face and environment. I bought mine at a drugstore for 3,50€. It creates a barrier between my fingers and my face as well.
The second thing is video on how to stop skin picking. I've seen it maybe 1,5 years ago and I decided to try recovery. Not there yet, but many times I've heard kackies voice saying "you CAN actually stop...and it is better to have picked those two spots and not 18" ....or thousand. You know.
https://youtu.be/oKipVyxAJOI
So...big thank you from Europe for bringing us all together."
-@andrea.jarosova, Andrea, Slovakia

"I'm #PickingMe over Skin Picking because I’ve had more than enough of living this way! I want my clear beautiful skin back. I'm ready to take back control of my body and feel beautiful and happy again. I don’t want to hide anymore isolating myself from the world because I’m to embarrassed to show my face. It’s time for me to pick me over skin picking and make a change for the better. My name is Katelyn, I’m 28 years old and I suffer from severe dermatillomania! I also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression. This skin picking disorder has become the worst of my mental illnesses and just keeps getting worse! I spend hours a day picking my face making little bumps and blemishes that you can hardly see into bleeding lesions on my face. I sometimes pick other parts of my body like my head, arms and legs but mostly target my face. I’ve always picked as a kid but never really picked my face until I fell pregnant with my second child when I was 21. I realized I had a severe problem when I had to put on a pound of foundation just to go to the hospital to give birth. It just got worse and worse from that time. Once in a great while my face will get clear but it never last more than a couple of weeks sometimes almost a month before I would find myself picking again and the next thing I know my face is covered in lesions and sores. Bad enough my face is already full of scars from picking over the past 8 years. I have tried getting acrylic nails to make it so it would be harder to pick but I would just get frustrated because I could feel all the scabs with my finger tips but couldn’t get under them to pick them all off so I’d convert to using tweezers and eventually biting my fake nails off just because the urge to pick is so strong. I’m literally at my wits end and ready to give up all together and just hide away in my room forever and never come out. That’s no way I want to live but at this point I can’t deal with it anymore I need help desperately! I need some sort of solution that works! Please if there’s anyway this foundation can help me stop this vicious cycle of dermatillomania skin picking disorder then please please help me!"
-Katelyn, 28, Rutland, VT

"I'm #PickingMe over Skin Picking because I want to love me again When I look in the mirror the first word I am thinking of is Ugly. I don't want that anymore I want to love me again with all of my good sides and negative sides!"
-@x.pala.xx_